Oklahoma Tornado Season Drinking Game

Roommate Jake ushered in the tornado season in Oklahoma (in February for some reason) as last night's clusterfuck of small twisters hit NW OKC with an impromptu drinking game. As a Texas expat, I've finally learned to not freak out over the daily civil defense sirens filling the spring time air. Tornados happen, so why not have an excuse to drink at about 5pm as the hail falls with Oklahoman meteorlogy hero Gary England?

THE GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME

Metagame factors: If the sirens start going off around you, that's a drink.

If you hear the sound of an oncoming train, finish your drink and get your affairs in order.

GROUND RULES

DRINK ON:
wall cloud, power flash, golfball or larger-sized hail, hook echo, laminar, gust front, any time a particular piece of technology is referenced by name; i.e. viper radar, reports of damage to any restaurant (el chico, chuck e cheese, fazoli's for example)

DRINK TWICE ON:
supercell, mesocyclone, "residents of _____ go to your shelters,"

DRINK, and then KEEP DRINKING:
enumerating tornado precautions (lowest level, interior walls, away from windows, blankets/mattresses) until they stop listing them.

FINISH YOUR DRINK ON:
tornados on the ground

My additions to this basic outline would be: anytime Gary displays true emotion 'Oh my god', or refers to tornados or spinups as 'rascals'.

Tornado season is a true spectators' sport - so when the sirens start, turn on to Channel 9 and play along with us. Caution: if Gary mentions that 'it could be all night', you will be obliterated.

Live to tape. CASSETTE TAPE.

Holy shit. Merge recently released a live recording of Superchunk from 1993 called 'Sur La Bouche'. It is esentially the entire early Superchunk live experience and is completely wonderful. What's even more amazing was that it was recored onto cassette with a Tascam Portastudio 424 by the current engineer of the Arcade Fire, amongst other Canadian indie-rockers. It sounds so fucking emmaculate, I'm near the point of tears. Go download it.

films 12/21

"Salò"

I had received my Criterion edition months ago but was never in the mood to actually watch it. Plenty of nudity, anal rape and other insane sexual shit. I generally think these types of films (such as "A Clockwork Orange") are overrated because of their subject matter, and Salò is no exception. However, the plethora of essays, commentary and other typical Criterion treatment extras were incredibly interesting in dicecting the film. If you are into quasi-pornographic art that deals with facism, then Salò is for you. Four Stars.

"Star Trek V: The Final Frontier"

Jake and I have made a pact to watch all of the Star Trek films since IV so naturally we started at V, which I had never seen. This is maybe the most groan worthy of the bunch in terms of 'jokes' and story. I'm not sure where to begin on how far beyond camp this film goes compared to the Star Trek series I know and love. You get the sense that it's time for Jean-Luc to pick up the torch soon to retire this clearly aged crew and their fan dancing. Two Stars.

films 12/19

"Clockwork Orange"

Part of a continuing series of films I've never seen in which I also want back the balance of the time wasted on said film. Certainly the most overrated of Kubrick's. I think there were moments in the film where I would have really liked the production, set design and dystopian concept had it been a Terry Gilliam script instead of William Burgess' rather unlettered drivel on violence and the 'perils' of psychology. At least I can now understand why this a High School favorite to many, though that is hardly any consolation. Two and a Half Stars

"Milk"

I am always weary of biopics - it's in my nature as they generally don't make very interesting film. The same is true of this film as well though not to the egregious extent as others. There is plenty of stilted dialogue and ignorance of historical context: Harvey Milk was a Goldwater Republican; San Francisco was hardly the liberal paradise we are allowed to associate it with today at any time during Harvey Milk's life. I think these are all issues that could have been shown and talked about to a greater extent not just for the validity of the film but as a history lesson that people and places change. San Francisco isn't liberal because it's San Francisco; people fought to keep it that way.

But perhaps that is the best part about the film: as Americans, we are not shown our violent civil struggles, whether it's civil rights in the south, labor struggles in the Midwest or gay rights. The film is well timed to release now as a reminder to us all that the things that we want in life aren't gifts from above, but fights fought and won. In this way, the spirit of the film is undeniable and incredibly powerful. Recommended Four and a Half Stars.

movies 12/17

"Fast, Cheap & out of Control"

Oh Errol Morris, I've seen all of your movies now. I was thinking how big of an influence the Errol Morris non-fiction narrative style had on the people of "This American Life". It's almost one in the same but in different media. This film was maybe the most experimental for Morris, using the interviewing technique inter cut with minimalist music and accompanying B-Roll to tacitly link four different people and their occupations. Recommended: Four and a Half Stars.


"Paris, Je t'aime"

I'm a sucker for french film, no matter how new, trendy and not french it actually is. Multiple short films shot around Paris by multiple, sometimes cool directors (Joel and Ethan Cohen, Wes Craven, Alfonso Cuarón, Christopher Doyle, Gus Van Sant) but was generally completely uninteresting and borderline stupid. There were a few gems, but not enough to waste anyone's time watching this entire film. Two Stars.

Films for 12-16

"Eraser"

Maybe the best later day Schwarzenegger film. Plenty of Schwarzenegger one-liners, the plot and writing is incredibly taut. Action is hilarious but simultaneously cool involving crazy high tech weaponry that Schwarzenegger eventually and predictably wields akimbo. Three and half stars.


"Barry Lyndon"

The Kubrick war epic I never saw. Which is pretty amazing considering how it's pretty much everything I really love: a well written, not boring story; brilliant cinematography using retrofitted ƒ 0.70 Zeiss lenses lit by candle light; and 17th century period pieces involving The Seven Years War. Highly recommend only if you have a serious chunk of time on your hands: five stars.


"U.S. Marshals"

Why did I not realize this was something of a sequel to brilliant "The Fugitive"? The entire cast returns along with Wesley Snipes for more hide-and-seek featuring Tommy Lee Jones barking orders. Good plot twists and a hilarious ending involving union labor laws. Why couldn't this have been made into a mini-series? Three and a half stars.

Netflx Freak

The semester is over which means it's time to get back on my movie watching schedule. As an avid Netflixer, I'm overjoyed with now having the ability to stream "Watch Instantly" films over my Xbox 360. Henceforth, this month-long break will be a that of watching of at least TWO movies a day. I plan to post a little bit about each film as a way to keep me motivated. Here are today's first two:


The Devil's Advocate.

I came upon this film when I was browsing for a lawyer/law film to kick start my little movie marathon. Interestingly enough, this may be Keanu's best performance ever as a southern defence attorney. Two thirds of the film were actually pretty interesting as a law film - think of "The Firm" - but add in some strange and disturbing satanic sexual shit featuring Charlize Theron and you have a movie that maybe would have been a lot better if it didn't have such a poorly conceved 'catch' of Al Pachnio as managing partner and Satan. I literally said to myself, 'Oh, so, he's literally the devil's advocate?' and groaned. Then groaned even more when I realized there was still an hour left in this 2.2 hour film. A lot of this movie was absurd and had some absolutely retarded CG facial effects/morphs, but when you count the appearance of noted child pornographer Jeffery Jones of Ferris Beuler fame, the film is boosted to three stars.


Standard Operating Procedure

Errol Morris is one of my favorite movie makers. Notice I said movie maker and not documentarian, because he's not. I consider him to be the riveting, intimate and engaging Ken Burns. Obviously, the context and the truth about this film are disturbing and distressing enough, but if you were to make a Michael Moore documentary about Abu Ghraib and then compare it to Errol Morris' version in Standard Operating Procedure, you get a much more honest and personal account of the shit military personnel do to detainees and prisoners in Iraq. The Errol Morris 'method' of interview is maybe put to its best use here with the infamous gaurds from the photos that emerged. Perhaps what's even more interesting is the relationships that these Millitary Police had with each other that not only allowed the torture and mistreatment, but the how ubiquitous technology created their downfall. And maybe more unsetteling: how much more we could know about the shit that happens in Iraq if we only had some sort of documentary evidence. Recommended: Five stars.